The Style Invitational Week 969: This year’s winning
‘foals,’ and now it’s the next generation
By Pat Myers,
And it’s Post time for the
second race on our annual horse-“breeding” card; in its ninth year, it spins
off this week’s results, which should give you an idea of what we’re looking
for. This week: “Breed” any two “foals” in today’s results, and name the
“grandfoal.” You may also use the extra foals that appear in the online version
of Week 969 at wapo.st/StyleInv. Just as for the original contest, the name may
not exceed 18 characters, including spaces, and your entry shouldn’t remotely
duplicate any of today’s results. And you’re again limited to 25 entries.
Winner gets the Inkin’
Memorial, the Lincoln-statue bobblehead that is the new Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives the shapely figurine pictured here (as of Friday
morning, the full photo wasn’t showing up on this page); the creepy wires
snaking out of where her head and arms should appear are presumably intended to
hold jewelry. Donated by longtime Losers J.J. Gertler and Sandra Hull; J.J.
explained to the Empress that when he and Sandra found it in West Virginia, “we
both immediately thought of you.”
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the new, ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a
lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air
“freshener” (Fir Stink for their first ink). E-mail entries to
losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 7; results
published May 27 (online May 25). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week.
Include “Week 969” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam.
Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See
contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/StyleInv. The
alternative headline in the “Next Week” line is by Chris Doyle; the
subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Kevin Dopart. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on
Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev .
Report from Week 965: Our hugely popular annual contest
in which we give you a list of 100 horses nominated for this year’s Triple
Crown races, and ask you to “breed” any two and name their foal: The Empress
pondered each of the more than 5,000 entries, of which literally hundreds were
very clever. If your very clever entry isn’t listed below, it’s because the E
doesn’t like that thing you do with your eyebrows. Cut it out already.
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
Holy Highway x The Lumber Guy = Om Depot (Susan Thompson, Cary, N.C.)
2. Winner of the six fake
mustaches: Flashy Sunrise x Alpha = Greet the Nude A (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
3. Stat x Wrote = ASAP’s
Fables (Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)
4. Tiger Walk x Holy Highway
= Fairway to Heaven (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.; Stephen Gilberg, Washington)
Not exacta: Honorable mentions
Discreet Dancer x One Sock
Down = Amish Stripper (George-Ann Rosenberg, Washington, whose one previous
Invite ink was 17 years ago)
Daddy Long Legs x Harvard N
Yale = SAT on a Tuffet (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)
Rousing Sermon x Motor City =
Praise the Ford! (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
Souper Speedy x Neck ’n Neck
= Instant Canoodles (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)
The Lumber Guy x Stepping
Lite = Paul Bunion (Marleen May, Rockville, Md.; Laura Bennett Peterson)
Cyber Secret x Liaison =
eLope (Carly Ball, Rockville, Md., a First Offender)
A Boy Named Em x Explain =
Elle Was Taken (Harvey Smith, McLean, Va.)
All Stormy x
Points Offthebench = Raining Buckets (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Awesome Address x Fed Biz =
Pork Avenue (Catherine Hagman, Silver Spring, Md.; Jeremy Levin, Washington)
Mr Percussionist x Backdoor
Strike = Keith Mooning (Mike Gips)
Barber Shop Rock x Done Done
Done = Did-Wop (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)
Drill x Big Monster = J. Paul
Yeti (Roy Ashley, Washington)
Boat Trip x Holy Highway =
Rowed to Damascus (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)
Class President x Rousing
Sermon = Summa Cum Loud (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)
Neck ’n Neck x Harvard N Yale
= Kiss My Ascot(Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)
Daddy Long Legs x Battle
Hardened = Iraqnid (Susan Geariety, Menifee, Calif.)
Empire Way x Ever So Lucky =
Appian Carefree (Jonathan Paul)
Fed Biz x Awesome Address =
Luxury Cubicle (David Ballard, Reston, Va.)
The Lumber Guy x Grouse =
Forest Grump (Alex Mantle, Buffalo, Wyo., a First Offender)
Diplomat x Segway =
Ambassadork (Larry Yungk, Arlington, Va.)
Alpha x Diplomat= Bits and
Peaces (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)
Gung Ho x PoliticallyCorrect
= Gung ServiceWorker (J.D. Berry, Springfield; Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)
Harvard N Yale x I’ll Have
Another = One for the Rhodes (Dion Black, Washington)
Pretension x Julius Caesar =
Prig Latin (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)
Julius Caesar x Late Night
Action = Et Tu, Booté (Brian Cohen, Lexington, Va.)
My Adonis x Julius Caesar = A
Perfect X (Rob Wolf)
One Sock Down x Google My
Grandson = Cyber Stocking (Mark Eckenwiler)
Souper Speedy x Space Race =
Matzo Ballistic (Eric Fritz, Silver Spring, Md.)
Finnegans Wake x The Lumber Guy = James Joist (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church,
Va.)
Exfactor x Monastic = Simon
Cowl (Matt Monitto, Elon, N.C.; John Winant, Bellevue, Neb.)
Holy Highway x Overdriven = The Bible Beltway (Valerie Matthews, Ashton, Md.; Mike Gips)
Conserve x Mr Percussionist =
Muir Cowbell (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)
Union Rags x Secret Circle =
AFL/CIA (Susan Thompson)
Diplomat x Neck ’n Neck =
Henry Kissing Her (Catherine Hagman)
Late Night Action
x Street Life = Sex Fifth Avenue (Chris Doyle)
I’ll Have Another x Conserve
= I’ll Halve Another (Russell Beland, Fairfax, Va.)
Battle Hardened x Drill = La
Femme Makita (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
Plated x Fed Biz = Brass Tax
(Bernard Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)
Late Night Action x Flashy
Sunrise = Where Are My Pants (Greg Pearson, Arlington, Va.)
My Adonis x Saturday’s for
Fun = Myth Congeniality (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)
Big Monster x
Backdoor Strike = Butt Kraken (Chris Doyle)
Boat Trip x Captain Obvious =
No Ship, Sherlock (Russell Thompson, Cary, N.C.)
Diplomat x Cop a Tude = Yo, I
Got Immunity (Christina Courtney, Ocean City, Md.)
Monastic x Gemologist = Kneel
Diamond (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.; Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.)
Gameday News x Julius Caesar
= ESPQR (Jonathan Paul)
Algorithms x Backdoor Strike
= Tipper Over (William Verkuilen, Brooklyn Park, Minn.)
Julius Caesar x How Do I Win
= Take a Stab at It (Harvey Smith)
Unmarked Bills x One Sock
Down = Two Dollar Hose (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)
Thunder Moccasin x State of
Play = Wiijuns (Dudley Thompson)
Space Race x Points
Offthebench = SputKnick (Mike Hammer, Arlington, Va.)
Verne x Segway = In Eighty
Months (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)
Captain Obvious x Isn’t He
Clever = No (Greg Pearson)
Alpha x Gung Ho = Never Felt
Beta (Nandini Lal, Bethesda, Md.)
Groovin’ Solo x Isn’t He
Clever = Do Wit Yourself (Susan Thompson)
Union Rags x Wrote = Yankee
Doodled (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Mr. Handsome x Awaited = G.
Queue (Rick Haynes)
Souper Speedy x Algorithms =
Ramen Numerals (Rob Wolf)
Drill x No Spin = Doesn’t
Auger Well (Larry Yungk)
Mr Percussionist x Liaison =
Timpan Ally (Barrie Collins, Long Sault, Ontario)
Barrymore x Harvard N Yale =
Lionel Richies (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
Finnegans Wake x Rousing
Sermon = Finnegan’s Woke! (Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.)
Groovin’ Solo x Motor City =
Auto Eroticism (David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.)
Barber Shop Rock x Rousing
Sermon = Four-Part Homily (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Neck ’n Neck x Whistleblower
= Deep Throat (Mia Wyatt, Ellicott City, Md.; Stephen Gilberg)
Awaited x Barber Shop Rock =
Pate Pending (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Zip Top x Unyielding = Just
First Base (Mark Richardson, Washington)
Verne x Whistleblower =
20,000 Leaks (Dudley Thompson)
Next week: Inkremental Change, or Wonk,
Work, Dork